While riding on a jeep home tonight, I happen to notice a beautiful toddler at about two years old. She was so beautiful with her ivory white skin, big dark brown eyes, and shiny black hair. After several minutes of looking at her — no, practically gawking at her — I felt a sudden pang, a sudden longing for a baby… a baby girl.
Yes, I wanted to have a baby boy initially, but after seeing that kid, I suddenly changed my mind. Now, I want to have a girl, like hubs does. I want to have a baby in my arms. I want to go to the mall and buy her cute little dresses. I want to brush her hair and tie it with girly little bow clips. And I want to dress her like she’s my human barbie doll. And then when she’s old enough to walk, I would pester JJ to take us on a walk to the park and then buy us vanilla sundae cones at Seven Eleven afterwards. Then when she turns 16, we can talk about boyfriends and crushes and tell her about my misfortunate love stories. And when a guy calls on her at our house, we (and I mean me, JJ, the grandparents, uncles, cousins, and in-laws) would panel interview him to know what his true intentions are for our daughter…
Oh… just thinking about what we could do when we have our own daughter makes want to have a baby NOW.
The sad reality, however, is I’m not pregnant because I’m ‘temporarily’ infertile. It’s heart breaking, but it’s the truth. I thought things will normalize when I got married, as what my doctor told me, but apparently, it didn’t. It only got worse.
So there, the truth is out as to why, after being married for almost three years, I’m still not preggo. (from that confession, I’m hoping that people will stop asking me whether I’m expecting or not from this time forth because, honestly, it’s starting to get on my nerves.)
We keep praying, me most especially, that we will be blessed with a baby. But I guess it’s not our time yet. Still, I’m hopeful because that’s what patriarchal blessing has promised me. I’m just worried that it might not come too soon. I’m willing to wait, but my body is like a ticking bomb, you know, so I don’t want to wait that loooooooooooooooong.
On the scientific side, my current doctor prescribed some meds for me. But I don’t want to take them. I know it can be good for me, but I want to get pregnant naturally. Plus, I’m done with taking drugs. Do you have any ideas on how to get preggo naturally? I’m open for suggestions, you know, as long as it doesn’t require me to take pharmaceutical drugs.
Oh, I wish my body is fine like the other wives. Sometimes, I think it’s unfair because there are girls who get knocked up even though they’re still waaay to young to be a mother. And for those who are old enough to be one, they don’t get pregnant, like me.
Ugh… this is so sad.
Anyway, let me just end here. I don’t want to bore you with my woes. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though.
For those who commented on my hormone thingy post on Facebook, I regret to say that I’m not pregnant, at least not any time soon. I appreciate your ‘congratulations and well-wishes’ though. But I what I will really appreciate are your prayers (don’t care what religion you are in as long as it’s sincere) and some suggestions.
And when all our prayers will be answered, I will let you know. Pinky swear.